you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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