tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
