ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
