I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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