i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
