ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
