rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
