You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize