hotel room ftw
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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