got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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