it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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