last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize