gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
