Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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