bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
