so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
