"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
