$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize