No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
