I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
True strength comes from lack of pants
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
