wat bout pragnant strippers??
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My ATM looks so different sober.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
