I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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