OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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