So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
it was like eating out sand paper
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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