She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
