anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
