I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
