just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
