I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
