i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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