that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
