its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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