did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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