Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
