Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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