Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
