Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
