Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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