Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
