But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
