so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
