Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
