Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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