Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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