I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
