it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
