Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
