whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
