dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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