i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
