I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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