At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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