That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize