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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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