People in love make me want to vomit
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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