I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
