I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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