If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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