I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There's always time for handjobs
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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