I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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