I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
