i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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