So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
