I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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