Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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