I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
