Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
worst night to have a conscience
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
