so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
