Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
It's Friday. Sex?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
