You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize